Most Important Step for Letting go of a Toxic Person
I define a toxic person as someone who
has weak morals and conscious
doesn’t have integrity, empathy, or impulse-control
is dishonest, secretive, dissociative, unfaithful, disloyal, manipulating, exploitative, and so on
Those toxic character traits point to a person who is incapable of love.
If there are any behaviors or words appearing as “love” from a toxic person, it is because that “loved” person is providing some sort of pleasure to the toxic person—kind of like a toddler who “loves” his/her new toy. And, of course, pleasures to a toxic person aren’t wholesome or appropriate types of pleasures; rather, it’s immature, superficial, immoral, concerning, disturbing, malicious and/or even dangerous sorts of pleasure.
For those who have been in a relationship with a toxic person and are struggling to let go, here is my advice.
The most important, and most difficult, step in letting go of a toxic person is to re-program your thinking, to reprogram yourself on a physiological level:
Get yourself to finally accept and believe that this person never loved or wanted you, and never will.
This person’s choices, behaviors, beliefs, values, lifestyle, and way-of-being are all completely in line with rejecting and abandoning you.
Many of these types of people will keep you in their lives; yet, reject and abandon you in very covert ways which make it difficult to separate out and to prove—slithering in between and woven into the "good" things about them and the relationship. Rejecting and abandoning are a way-of-life for them.
As author and teacher Richard Grannon says, Reduce the significance of this person.
State aloud to yourself frequently the following:
<This person> does not want me.
<This person> does not love me.
I don’t want a person who rejects and abandons me.
When you are crystal-clear about the person not wanting you, not loving you, and flat-out rejecting and abandoning you, the desire to contact him/her goes away.
I’d love to help anyone who wants to leave or let go of a toxic person and relationship. I can’t help anyone who doesn’t have any awareness of the toxicity; however, I can help people who experience the internal tug-of-war and confusion of such relationships and when a tiny part of themselves knows they should leave.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.