Calling out B.S.: ‘You Shouldn’t Need a Relationship’

Some people I’ve known don’t have much of an interest in being in a relationship. Their skillful ability to live and function independently gives the illusion of their being evolved and “whole” enough to be completely satisfied alone and single. They even might appear confident, self-actualized, of high standards and/or smug and arrogant.

The reality is that many of these same people tend to be emotionally-avoidant, dismissive, aloof, unreachable, immature and have unhealthy and/or immoral addictions and habits which seem to keep them superficially-distracted and self-indulged enough to avoid (authentically) themselves and life.

Surely, we should be able to manage life ourselves as responsible adults. However, without other people who we are emotionally accountable to and who we genuinely respect, honor, love and protect, we can become quite unhealthy. How many times have you heard that humans are social beings? It’s true. Being solo isn’t healthy. In fact, it can make a person go a little crazy.

Romantic connection can actually be the only way to have the type of closeness some of us need. Simply calling this "needing fulfillment from someone else" doesn't seem accurate. Rather, the fulfillment comes from applying emotional and life skills to communication, being known and knowing another, co-creating, collaborating, sharing feedback and input, self-expression via affection and adoration, trouble-shooting, brainstorming, bonding, investing, being accountable / responsible to and with another. This is deep, meaningful, and healthy.

We also shouldn’t settle in relationships. There is plenty to do until meeting the right person.

Time being single is best spent developing integrity and strong character:

• developing a healthy lifestyle which you would be proud and honored to integrate a future partner into

• getting physically healthy

  • sleep, exercise, diet, lower stress

• maintaining routines and schedules

• practicing articulating yourself and expressing concerns, opinions, ideas and preferences

• behaving and thinking in private in the same ways which would also honor and support a trusting, healthy, deep relationship

  • asking yourself, “does <this choice, action or thought> reflect what I want for my eternal spirit and soul?”

• making healthy choices which are in line with strong morals and ethics

• living according to strong principles, morals, ethics and values

• developing discipline in thoughts, actions, attention and focus—to that which is appropriate and moral

• letting go of relationships, choices and habits which aren’t in line with all of this list

• letting go of resistance to learning and growing

• knowing oneself and becoming self-actualized

• being crystal clear on principles morals, ethics, values, beliefs

• quitting bad habits

• forming honorable and healthy habits

• learning from and correcting mistakes

• practicing self-awareness and self-reflection

• healing, emotionally-regulating and maturing

  • recognizing, identifying, understanding and articulating your emotions, desires, and needs

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.