Why Some People Can’t Relate to You

Because of my life-long trauma from being gaslit and stonewalled, I learned a habit or coping mechanism of over-explaining to, and teaching, others who didn’t seem to understand nor relate to me and my perspectives.

I wasted many years of my life trying to get people who I cared about and/or respected to relate to and understand me. To no avail. In doing so, I essentially left myself stranded and alone—there was no one there for me, not even me.

I finally realized that there are reasons why people can’t relate. It really has nothing to do with me or my communication abilities.

Some people cannot understand and relate because they

• have principles, morals and value systems where they think very few things are wrong, inappropriate, and bad

• have low standards for, and low expectations of, themselves

• are incredibly immature

  • highly value menial things and scenarios

  • don’t understand cause-and-effect (what they do affects their own lives, affects who they are, and affects others)

• go about life half-awake, unconscious, dissociative

  • magical thinking

  • maladaptive daydreaming

  • limerence

  • other addictions

• hide out and away from anything meaningful and/or noble in life

• avoid struggle and anything challenging

• focus only on impulsive pleasures

  • which can make them willfully-blind to anything painful and wrong

  • seeking pleasures is all-consuming

  • so there’s no room for anything else

• don’t engage with others beyond the surface

  • with song-and-dance interactions

  • by being entertaining and/or “looking good”

  • with pre-programmed responses

    • “When a person does x, I’m supposed to do y.”

  • with gossip and drama

  • Many times, they are just deflecting from anyone, and themselves, noticing their own weaknesses, dysfunction and issues.

• just don’t care

  • If they seem like they care, it’s likely that it has to do with other reasons on this list, such as their following programmed responses, for entertainment or to “look good.”

Finally recognizing that I do not have to over-explain or to teach others to understand and relate has helped me to preserve my energy and time. I instead direct it to those who are on the same page as me, and those who want to be awake, grow and learn. I now know better what to watch out for and I adjust my boundaries accordingly.

I have the ability to relate to almost anyone and their experiences. Therefore,

• For brief moments, I can meet people where they are at.

• I can choose to not be around people who cannot relate to and understand me.

• I can choose to not share myself with such people.

  • I don’t need to share anything beyond my using my abilities to relate to, and have compassion for, them.

• I have minimal expectations of them and our interactions.

• I focus on being of-service with such people.

• I focus on what I can learn about myself, about relationships, and about life as I interact with, listen to, and observe myself and the others.

In order to not feel lonely (which can happen frequently with people who can’t relate or understand), I remind myself of who I am and am grateful that I always get to be me. I don’t leave myself stranded anymore.

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.