The ‘Bundle’ Traits

What matters to me when it comes to who I am and how I live, who and what I’m serving, who I interact with, who I am in relationship with, and who and what I put energy into…

…is what I’m calling the ‘bundle’ traits. These are traits from which I scrutinize myself, my thoughts, my decisions, my interests, my lifestyle, and beyond.

The ‘Bundle’ traits that matter to me are

• Values

• Morals

• Ethics

• Principles

• Standards

• Beliefs

• Extent of investment in

  • Character

  • Integrity

  • Truth

  • Honesty

  • Transparency

• Levels of, and desires & abilities for

  • Personal-responsibility

  • Sincerity

  • Boundaries

  • Protection of & advocate for self and loved ones

  • Awareness and awakeness

  • Truth-seeking & question-asking

  • Conscientiousness

  • Empathy & relating

  • Communication & connection

  • Personal growth & emotional maturity

• Extent of scrutiny of self, and beyond, in context of all of the above

These traits help me stay on track with, and be confident about, who I am and what I want in life and relationships. These traits make decision-making easy. And they ensure that I choose wisely now when getting involved with any people.

When I love someone, it goes deeply for me. It imprints on my heart and in my spirit.

I had spent my whole life, starting in childhood with parents, adoring and loving very specific, select people with whom I wanted to be emotionally, and sometimes physically, close. There were aspects, quirks, idiosyncrasies of each of these people which I found, and still find, endearing and even precious.

Most of these people, however, were unattainable, unreachable, emotionally-unavailable, dissociative, dismissive avoidant, and even were convincing that something was wrong with me for being hurt by their choices and behaviors (all which, essentially, boiled down to their being inaccessible for deep connection, closeness, relating, and conscientiousness).

Decades later, I have realized the reason why those relationships ultimately didn’t work for me was because we didn’t match up with the above ‘bundle’ traits.

I have realized that I must only invest in people who share the same ‘bundle’ traits as mine. Because to be upset about actions and behaviors that don't line up with my ‘bundle’ traits, and to have other person never think any of it is a big deal, only makes it worse. I have wasted years of my life trying to explain ethics, principles, etc. to people I loved. My biggest problem has been loving the wrong people (starting with my mother).

When in relationship, I want to hit the ground running. I want to basically speak the same language, to be on the same page, so we can actually create and grow together.

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.